There were three blokes in a bed in the morning. One bloke says "I had a weird dream last night that someone was wanking me off." Then another bloke goes "That's weird so did I." Then the bloke in the middle said "That's funny, I dreampt I was skiing.
Q: What is the height of stupidity?
A: how tall are you?
Q: Why does Bill Clinton wear boxer shorts?
A: To keep his ankles warm.
Q: What's the difference between a hedgehog and a Escort XR2i?
A: The pricks are on the outside of the hedgehog.
A man and a giraffe walk into a pub and start drinking. After a few pints the giraffe falls over. The barman says to the man 'You can't leave that lyin' down there.' and the man replies 'It's not a lion its a giraffe.'
Q: A fire swept through a firework shop yesterday
A: An onlooker said oooh aaah
Q: What do you call a dinosour who drinks and eats curry all day?
A: A mega-sore-arse
Two peanuts were walking down the road... one was assulted.
Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
A: Nice belt
Q: How many woman does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One to do it and two to moan that their husbands didn't do it.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a washing machine?
A: Milk shake.
Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A: Say, "Nice dick."
Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!
Yo momma so fat she went to the salad bar and PULLED UP A CHAIR
Yo momma's got so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.
Q: What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?
A: An elephant with diarrhea.
Q: What do you call a Yugoslavian prostitute?
A: Slobbaonmynobyoubitch
Q: What do you call a load of Jamaican men buried up to their necks?
A: Afroturf
Q: How do you stop a Jamaican man jumping into bed with you?
A: Stick velcro to the ceiling.