Dance to Steps:
You wil need:
A steps CD
Many cans of beer and other alcoholic drinks
Emma or Justin
Appropriate room for movement
Step one
Drink intemperate amounts of the beer and other alcoholic drinks to cause a severe lack of co-ordination
Step two
Put the Steps CD into the CD player, and press "play" when you have decided on the song you want to 'dance' to
Step three
Get Emma or Justin to dance and copy them to the best of your ability, or the person next to you while holding your beer
Step four
This is the most important step. Everytime your hand goes near your mouth, take a swig out of your can
Step five
Carry on until you run out of beer, you collapse or the song finishes
Hop over a park bench:
You wil need:
A bike
A bench
To be Sam
Step one
Choose a bench that doesn't have a tree behind it
Step two
Stand and look at the aforementioned bench contemplating hop
Step three
When mates least expect it, start riding towards bench at a jogging pace
Step four
As you approach the bench think: "shit what if I miss it?" and hop as high as you fucking can
Step five
If you don't make it laugh and try again. If you do, apply a "smug bastard" face and bask in the glory of being better than everyone else.
Go to a party without any beer and still get pissed:
You wil need:
A party
No beer or alcohol
To be Babs
Step one
Go to a party where other people have suitable quantities of alcohol
Step two
Politely ask everyone you know if you can have a can/bottle and smile
Step three
Continue to smile as they reluctantly give in to you, and tell them that they are the best mate in the world (this helps when blagging beer in future)
Step four
Drink, and when you require more repeat steps two and three.